The Elfland Stories - Chapter 7: The House of Homeland Security
CHAPTER 7: The House of Homeland Security
Today I was assigned as the Welcome Center elf.
The Welcome Center is a little room with a desk, just through the doors of the Santaland entrance. The guests enter and are greeted by one or two elves perched behind the desk and ushering them through with an overly cheery, “Welcome to the North Pole!”
But, since I was by myself, I decided that I was going to be an elf of authority. So donning a pair of aviator sunglasses I had in my backpack, I appointed myself as Homeland Security Elf.
I began asking for passports much to the bemused look on the grown-up guests’ faces. The kids got it right away. They would extend their open palms with their imaginary passports and I would stamp them with my imaginary stamp.
But soon, everyone was playing.
I even fashioned a cardboard sign that said, “Smuggling Tinsel is a Felony!” Nobody got through without getting a meaningless, invisible stamped hand.
I thought this premise to be quite clever and witty. So did the parents and kids.
A couple of the other elves also thought it amusing and joined in.
Soon the place was buzzing with all the fun you’d expect of the “TSA Christmas Experience!”
For example, puffins and penguins were on the no-fly list.
We halted all travel from Atlantis, Narnia, and Asgard.
And everyone had to submit to a candy cane wand screening.
But the white flower manager, Maurice, did not find this amusing, clever, or funny.
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